Who am I

As work becomes more stressful and the girls tax me daily. I stuggle to remember who I am or what I like and dislike. I no longer have hobbies or "things" I do. I try to run two days a week and that is a struggle. Mark and I have alternating days ( I get T and TH and he gets MWF...Fair huh?) My problem is that I am usually so tired I prefer to sleep in rather than drag my ass out of bed in the dark to run the streets of the northside amongst the rats and homeless men urinating in the street.

The past few nights have confused me even more. Tonight, I am so shamed of myself. I was innocently skimming through www.estsy.com (the best site ever!!) and channel surfing Oh, I should further hide my head deep in the sand as I am about to post something that breaks one of my rules....discussing politics. rrhh...mumble..mcaneljlkjblahblah..republihiohoih..vention. Understand that?

I am watching the Republican National Convention. (not without alcohol) I have never watched any convention. I have been a Liberatarian since I was 18 for many reasons. (won't discuss) I usually refuse to discuss politics because its too personal for me and frankly not worth the argument. Truly, I don't believe the President runs the country or makes the real choices as a matter of fact...they are glorified public speakers...but thats another blog. He is an F-ing war hero for Christ's sake!

Is it the wine or the choice of Palin? So smart of him to make that choice...ballsy yet desparate all the same. Until he chose her as running mate I was not interested in the following either party (nor was I going to vote for Nader again (2x) ) I don't agree with Palin on many issues, (ie Pro Choice mainly) But it may be her simpleness that intrigues me. Or is it the akwardness of her? She is real, her family f's up and she has a lot of kids. As a mother I want someone who is more like me in the White House. Someone who has snot on the back of their suit when they go to work and cookie crumbs in their lap. (*note I have not said that I would vote for them, at this point.....I am listening)

Moving beyond that mess, I have something even more embarrassing to reveal. I have been drinking more often then usual. That is not the embarrasing part, parents need to drink in order to survive their jungle with the wild animals. What I do when I am drinking is the problem.

Mark has been away just a few nights in the past two weeks and we had some nights of Sushi and Scrapbooking. Yes, how far I have fallen. So the kids are sleeping I am full of things my cat wouldn't eat, my bed full of tattered pieces of paper and half a bottle of wine.....and I am watching (oh the shame)

Clueless

Twice not I have caught myself doing this. And I mean not just watching once but twice in a row until I pass out, I mean fall asleep. There is something about that dorky guy who wins the girl that has me glued to the TV. Its like I don't know what is going to happen or that they are really making over that Britney chick. No, its all the stupid quotes: "Ms. Stoger, that machine is a lawsuit waiting to happen", or "she is full of Monet, something that looks ok from far away, but up close it’s just a big old mess." or the plain "whatever". The famous W way before George made it fashionable

Help me please!!!!! First Clueless then Convention. What is wrong with me. Has some type of ghost traveler decided to try to take over my body as their tomb. Is this really me? Who is me. Me doesn't really exist. Me is mommy first, work second, volunteer dutys next, poor husband getting the cast off pity attention when he whines. Oh well, lets open another bottle.

Look out!

I have been waiting for this moment!

OK, so not really. Tegan crawled at 6 months. But like with every first you were they’re cheering them on and waiting breathlessly. I remember putting a toy across the floor and showing Tegan how to do an Army crawl in order to reach it.

Part of Tessa’s charm and claim to fame at school was her content ness. Content because she had to be? Trapped in an area because her butt wouldn’t propel her across the floor? As Mark and I watched Tessa take her first dainty “steps” across Tegan’s room, my heart falls. I am happy for her achievement and new confidence, BUT….I know what this means. I believe she is our last, the baby. I was the baby and I know to well the legacy. Will she run from me, shun me, as she grows older. Her accolades are bittersweet. I love my little one sitting they’re sweetly cooing, as she looks up at me, helpless. Now she moves across the floor at her own will,no longer helpless, going where she chooses, picking up and casting away anything in her path she desires.

Motherhood is full of deep sighs. What is this one??? Sadness seeing my baby growing up? Relief that she isn’t the last one in daycare not crawling. Or do I realize how difficult it will be now having a mobile monkey wrecking crew.

How can you not smile?

Really, just try. Watch this kid and just try not to smile. She is pretty f'in cute. I'm not saying that because she is my kid, she just is...right? I've learned to embrace my babies with their little to no hair. (all 3)

Hair problems surround me. The cat is the hairiest thing in the Hoover household. We've all got our hair disabilities. Mark embraced his eons ago. It didn't come easy though. One time there was this Caesar haircut, I'll let him share that if he ever feels like it. My own hair has been gray since 11th grade. It is pretty much completly white now. I have to let the beauty school dropouts dye it for 5 bucks because its just too dang expensive to up keep and too complicated to do myself anymore. How does one let the gray grow in without looking like some oddity. I could embrace it but by letting the bottom six inches stay brown and the top turn white inch by inch. I'd go for dying some patches all white but Mark hates the SKUNK doo.

What caused this What did my family do to have such hair dysfunction. I sigh inwardly as Tegan shakes all 4 inches of her wispy shaggy doo in the mirror begging for a haircut. She claims she has long lucious locks second only to Rapunzel. To have a 3 year olds point of view, we should all be so lucky!

Death to Disney?

Today is my little princess's birthday. Up unil about Christmas we had been able to shy her away from all Disney movies. In fact she had never even seen a movie until Christmas. (That's a lie for Christmas of 2006 a friend bought her Wiggle Bay. I don't call that a movie even though she loved it) Call it what you want, I was a real snob when it came to the Princess crap. You don't need a prince to make you happy, you define life and reach your dreams, yada yada yada. As Mark would say more woman hoha from my http://www.momsrising.org/. (BTW you should check it out, enlighten, empower and make a change)

The problem is that my kid eats this princess stuff up. For months we have been stuck reading Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and so on. (although we just got the Frog Prince and I love it) Night after night of me pretending to be Anastasia, poor Tessa is the bitter Drizella, and Daddy must be the Grand Duke and the Prince while our princess sits waiting for her plastic high healed dollar store glass slipper to be put on her "dainty foot", her words not mine.

We gave in....she got the Cinderella and Snow White movie alla Disney. (I might add that we did try reading the Brothers Grimm versions of these tales. Not the best idea if your kid attends daycare. I overheard Tegan with her dolls talking about the huntsman taking someone into the woods and taking a knife to her. YES, this came from books not TV I swear!)

When do I let her chose and decide? Will I always be there putting my shit on her??? Or maybe Disney is poisoning by brain. I hear it in the back ground (she usually watches while I must clean) I think I sing some of the songs during day! Help me. But it gives me a happy feeling in a sad sappy sort of way. Maybe just maybe Disney is empowering towards women. Follow your dreams, think big! There is that one soul mate out there searching for you. If you don't find him, you can always sleep for 100 years.

And really isn't life about true love anyway. (be it with your significant other or children? )

Would I be happy if I hadn't found my one and only to spend the rest of my life with? Probably not. He is my prince I suppose, and I am not sure where my life would be with out him. Is that such a bad thing to promote? Or is it really just some over educated wanna be uber chic urban professional have to have it all mama thinking her kid is too good for some trendy hogwash that all the other kids are doing.

So I did it, I walked into the gates of hell. The disney store! I bought Cinderella flip flops, sunglasses and a Jasmine doll. Its not for me, its for her. Her choice to chose her likea no matter what I think. AND its her birthday for Christ's sake. Of course she loved them......................

Until Jasmine's cheap plastic head fell off in the first 10 minutes. HMMM Death to Disney?

The Nest

I have had a love/hate relationship with ebay for the past 8 years. (I was given a bad rating by Tad Long 8 years ago after he sold me some cheap ass watch and I called him out in my feedback)

Mostly I hate it because I am a horrible shopper. (Mark would never understand that statement) I always get a case of buyers remorse. It doesn't matter whether I buy pad thai or a padded bra...I always wish I had gotten something different. Such is the case of the NEST high chair. Doesn't it look cool??? I love the look of it and was pleased when I won it on e-bay, then I read some reviews. Talk about a buzz kill.

I have been giving unsolicted advice to pregnant friends and family lately. I went super cheap on EVERYTHING. Now that I have been struggling with the same butt ugly carseat for 3 years and know that I have at least another three years to put up with it. So maybe you get what you pay for?

With babies there really isn't a whole lot you need. I advise against spending money on toys. They prefer tupperware. But when it comes to car seats and high chairs..SPEND

Pack and plays can be used and who really cares what they look like. Exersaucers are a true need but only used for maybe three months so don't spend alot.

So here I sit with my "nest" on its way to my house. I hope I got a deal but thats what scares me! Why did I get this super exclusive chair so cheap? (not that I think anything over a 100 is cheap. but I didn't spend over 2 and it retails for 575 so you tell me)

Stay tuned for next week for my review of the nest and another experience with E-bay

Bred, born and fed coffee

Mommy needs a latte.

Its more like mommy needs a triple shot. When I was pregnant with Tegan I gave up caffeine all together. Poor Tessa was subject to my espresso addiction. Although I did take it easy, one a day. (one triple that is)

But I think this kid may thrive on coffee. She started sleeping all night at two weeks! She is a super sleeper despite my partaking.

So drink up ladies, order a double even.

Pinot Noir Ice Cream

Yes, that's right wine flavored ice cream I couldn't believe it myself. We went to Oh Yeah on Highland Avenue today for some fantastic ice cream. Mark had vanilla, Tegan had chocolate and I had the Pinot Noir, how could one not? They also had bass and guinness that I must go back for, not to mentionn waffles with over 100 toppings. Even habenaro peppers.